Physical touch is recognized by everyone for its bonding effects, but for the person who speaks the Physical Touch love language, physical touch is the supreme representation of love. Showing you love someone by physically touching them. For people who grew up in a family or culture that did not express affection through touch, it might be tough to get used to. At work, this can be interpreted as emotional intimacy, or rather, empathy. Give him a stuffed animal of significance. It matters that your partner is willing to go the extra mile to give you what you want or need to make you feel loved, valued, wanted. If you are not naturally affectionate in your platonic relationships, you are probably not very affectionate with your spouse either. You appreciate all the other romantic gestures, but your heart really goes pitter-patter when you feel totally relaxed in their arms. From a brief look inside the book, the writer of this article was able to get a good feel for what the book was about and if it might be helpful to her relationship. Gary Chapman’s book, the 5 Love Languages has lots more on how to fill the love tank of a partner whose primary LL is physical touch. Often couples with differing sex drives may designate a certain day(s) of the week for marital intimacy and, although some may feel that this lacks spontaneity, at least it means they can look forward to the event in between times rather than never knowing when the next session will be. These are just my tips. Physical touch is an important aspect of any relationship. Experiment with massaging different areas of the body to find common ground for your both to enjoy. As detailed below asking for, and openly communicating about, what we want can be difficult for a variety of reasons. To build your touching habit, give frequent, random hugs or back rubs throughout the day. About Refraining from Modelling What you Desire More of? Try one of these Physical Touch love language ideas! Here are some ways you can practice speaking your touch-loving partner’s language: It’s also important how you receive physical affection from your partner. There are ways you can fake it until you get back (in touch) with someone. Much like we personify one of the 9 archetypal lovers, we all possess the ability to show and receive love through these 5 ways of communication.We may show a preference for multiple, but depending on our stage of life and past experiences, we all tend towards one language of love. Gary Chapman, an author, pastor and speaker, introduced the concept of love languages in his 1992 bestseller, The 5 Love Languages. Don’t like ads? If your partner feels sex staved this is a possible way forward. Being touched may not come naturally to you because you have sensory differences, are on the autism spectrum, or just didn’t experience a lot of touch in your life before. Let your partner know that as you get used to being touched, your reactions are not a rejection of them or their affection, just something you need more practice with. In North America, if we refused to shake hands with someone, it would send a loud message. If your marriage has the makings for these types of dynamic, do take steps to communicate and turn things around because, if such negative and hurtful dynamics persist for a long time, it has the potential to severely impair the relationship. The thought of scheduling either form of physical touch may feel mechanical and strange but just ask yourself what have you got to lose if hitherto things have not been satisfactory. Here’s an obvious example of expressing love with the five love languages: “Numerous research projects in the area of child development have come to the same conclusion: babies who are held, hugged, and touched tenderly develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact,” writes Chapman in The 5 Love Languages. This may seem self-explanatory, but there are both intimate and non-intimate touches that can and should be used to show your partner love. It can be difficult for a person who wants touch in the form of marital intimacy to reign themselves in when they try to engage in the non-intimate form of physical touch with their spouse because once they touch their partner they don’t want to stop, wishing to take things further into the realms of intimacy. Quality Time. Physical touch is an especially tough need to meet if you’re single, in a long distance relationship, or quarantining away from your touch buddy. However, if your partner's primary LL is physical touch of the affectionate kind, although being touchy-feely may be out of your comfort zone to begin with, with time you can become much more at ease with performing a variety of of the following with your spouse—and he or she will certainly appreciate your sustained efforts. To complicate matters, you may believe that if you have to actually request affection or sex, then when it subsequently happens it just doesn't count! Let your partner know what you need to feel loved and make an intentional effort to provide what they need. 1. Whilst lack of intimate bodily contact can lead to problems in a relationship, the same can be true when there is a lack of affectionate bodily contact, which could consist of a gentle touch of hands, walking fingers along the back, shoulder or arm, a hug/kiss when departing/arriving or a cuddle when watching a movie. What if your partner speaks fluent touch, but you don’t understand? So, if your love language is physical touch, you'll likely want to be hugged, kissed, and held; that's how you'll give love and feel loved. Understanding the Physical Touch Love Language - Ebonny. Other ways to express physical touch as a love language, How to know if your love language is physical touch, Dude, where’s my hug? But it’s not like that at all. Some who desire intimate touch over affectionate touch may well find that their partner develops an increase in desire for intimacy once they feel that their need for affectionate physical touch is satisfied and vice versa. People who “speak” this love language simply enjoy human contact, whether it’s with a hug after a long day or just sitting near someone. Taking some time to think about what your companions, friends and colleagues need and acting accordingly can greatly enhance these connections. So, shouldn't I be touching him to make him feel loved and he should work on my love language? Of course her relationship isn't perfect, and probably never will be, but the insight given in the book regarding physical touch as well as several other key areas, proved a great way of bringing back much of that loved up feeling which often disappears when initial infatuation fades. Even if you and your partner don’t have matching love languages, you can still learn to fill each other’s tanks. It won’t necessarily happen overnight but it can happen. It’s likely because your love language is physical touch. Thus it's worth both partners making the effort to be conscious of what their partner wants and to act accordingly. This applies to life in general with your spouse and is not limited to this LL. Touch for the sake of something practical like a medical test is nonromantic. This Love Language is, however, pure and lovely at its core. If you know someone who doesn’t have plants at home, or you want a plant in your own home, follow our…, Just like every romantic partner comes with their own annoying habits and weird nicknames, each person also comes with their own attachment style. For both parties, honest, open communication, listening, and making due effort to improve things, are all preferable to simmering, unknown or silent resentments. Find your love language: It’s crucial to know that not everyone loves the same. The touch person would be stuck doing all kinds of work and struggling feeling unloved. Touching builds a stronger bond in relationships. Demonstrating empathy at work can go a long way in perpetuating a culture of employees who feel seen and valued. Moreover, it's imperative to note that your partner will enjoy feeling desired and surprised by you, so do make the first move and spontaneously give them the touch they desire, over and above what is scheduled. If it IS you’re spouse’s love language, then you need to show love through touching. For people who speak “physical touch” as their primary love language, physical affection through hugs, kisses, sex, cuddling, and other touch are the fuel that fills their tank and keeps relationships strong. touch them in a teasing or provocative way. ... if your partner's love language is physical touch of an affectionate nature. Ebonny (author) from UK on February 14, 2014: Yes, trying to understanding and then coming out of our own comfort zones is so important when we want to get the most out of relationships. ; Quality Time, which means we need to spend meaningful time with our partner to feel loved.This quality time can range from chatting over dinner to going for a long walk. But why is it that you don’t feel butterflies until nearly midnight when you’re both cuddling together in your pajamas while watching TV? In such cases, it’s most certainly a win-win scenario. Do you need frequent sex to feel connected to your partner? Touching any part of the body can communicate love, but everyone will have individual preference about what feels best to them. Speaking Your Partner's Love Language means. It may be easier said than done, but do sustain your physical touch efforts in the knowledge that making your wife or husband happy is an awesome feeling indeed. While I love giving gifts and doing things for others, he needs words of affirmation and physical touch, so I have to make a conscious effort to include those things in our marriage. Some may find that their partner, (often the female partner) may not be inclined to desire marital intimacy when there is a distinct lack of affectionate bodily contact other than when their partner wants copulation. And yes, it is frustrating if you have already told them what you would like and they haven't taken it on board. Hold their hand in public. If your love language is gift giving, choose gifts that gratify your partner’s tactile needs. 4. Physical touch is a nonverbal love language people use to let others know they are cherished. SOLUTIONS: 1. For those with the “physical touch” love language, touch as an integral part of feeling rapport, care, and connection with anyone — friends, family, colleagues — and just as in romantic relationships, not having touch as part these contexts means not recognizing or “receiving” the psychological benefits. Not many people know about what love languages are. If your love language is quality time, this will fill both your tanks. As the saying goes, be the change you want to see. Hold hands while you walk or sit quietly together. You gave good insights. Some may believe their partner only ever makes physical contact with them when they want sex and as such they feel like an object rather than a valued spouse. Blushing in the cheeks. Also, if this is your love language, demanding gifts as a way you need to feel loved isn’t really fair either. When you set about being more physical in a way that your partner will appreciate, don’t specifically go looking for something in return from your partner. These four tips are what I find matters to me as a Physical Touch love language. This is a helpful, well-written article. There’s no other option! Touch is important, especially to a Physical Touch Love Language. Your date holds your hand while you’re on a walk. Even if it’s not your primary love language, both you and your partner can benefit from working to increase the level of touch in your marriage. Reminders and clarifications may indeed be necessary from time to time but, in relationships, what really counts is being able to have all those potentially uncomfortable, honest conversations on an ongoing basis without undue recrimination or crippling embarrassment. Is touch your primary love language or is it secondary to another language? So to really fall in love it would have to be so worth it that all those tiny unrelatable acts of love are worth doing. Ebonny (author) from UK on April 16, 2015: Hi Julie, I appreciate your comment and thanks for the reminder that the love languages can be applied to non-romantic relationships too. In this real world, what counts is continually trying to grow as a couple to accommodate both expressed and unspoken wants and needs as far possible. If you live in a house and have a way to get up on the roof, do so together. How to Detect Physical Touch as a Love Language Of all the love languages, physical touch is the easiest to detect. Physical Touch, which means that we show and receive love through affirmative touching such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and even sex. What is the Physical Touch Language? Also remember this is a two way street so do take the time to solicit and consider their feelings as well. I was dating a man and his love language is physical touch and that was on the bottom of my list. He suggested that people prefer to receive love in one of five ways: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch or receiving gifts. show tons of enthusiasm, inventiveness and/or energy. For those who have this love language in the form of marital intimacy, they will likely want their partner to frequently. Here are some examples: Of course, all touch must be consensual. They may not apply to you or your spouse but then again they may. In general when one partner has the level of touch they desire, regardless of which type of bodily contact it is, they will likely feel more inclined to meet their partners needs and speak their love language, be it words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time or physical touch. In short, don’t use love languages as a way to control how you want someone to love you. If affectionate touch always turns into marital physical touch, it is then that the partner who has affectionate touch as their love language begins to feel taken for granted, or that their partner only wants them for one thing. Take a quiz like this one to figure out what your primary love language is. Touch between you and someone you have a platonic emotional bond with is not romantic. This Is the New Love Language for Plant Parents, 5 Attachment Style Quizzes to Explain Your Relationship Behavior, In a Pandemic, Tipping Becomes a Community Love Language. It could be holding hands, laying your head on your partner’s shoulder, or simply a hug. The five love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Aim to find a balance initiating what your partner wants, and what you want. For people whose main love language is physical touch, the standoffishness they receive from friends, family members, and partners can be excruciating. Physical Touch. Touch that makes a person uncomfortable or crosses the romantic/nonromantic line is inappropriate and can potentially cause or resurface trauma. If Physical Touch is your Love Language, you feel love and express love to others through physical contact. It was a nice anniversary celebration. With both parties knowing how far their partner is comfortable and prepared to accommodate expressed affectionate and/or intimate physical wants and needs, and with both parties knowing where they stand, confusion and resentment can be reduced or excluded. We broke up because I asked him to compromise with all the touching and he said, it is his love language but it is not mine. However, you can speak their love language in many ways. I'm a single woman, but since this is one of my love languages, I appreciate hugs and other signs of affection from those in my life. If you or your partner have a strong need for physical touch, it’s important to communicate your needs and figure out what fills each of your tanks, even if you don’t naturally speak the same language. Respecting each other's right to choose is important. Try a soft. So here in the real world, to help make the desired shift in the physical touch aspects of your relationship, you can explain all the above to your spouse, or have your partner read this article to open up a dialogue. Couples may have differing languages and can feel very dissatisfied or unloved when their preferred language is not used enough by their partner. Partners of those who have physical touch in the form of marital intimacy should note their partner may feel unloved, unwanted, rejected or a nuisance if there is a mismatch of libido/sex drive. If your spouse’s love language is Physical Touch, then yes, sex is part of that. Last medically reviewed on September 30, 2020, Propagating can be done via water or seeds. Receiving Gifts. Forget about tradition—for example if you are a woman who wants more sex, don't behave in a way that will encourage your husband to accurately say "but I didn't believe you really wanted more sex because you NEVER initiate it". Is your partner tactile or not? See a certified medical professional for diagnosis. If physical touch is your love language, you really need it to have a solid romantic relationship. Learning About The Five Love Languages Is A Great Way To Deepen Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship, And If The Man In Your Life Has Physical Touch As His Primary Love Language… You may react negatively to touch because of traumas in your past. 32. If physical touch is your love language, you really need it to have a solid romantic relationship. Scheduled marital intimacy and scheduled affection does not preclude spontaneous sex or physical affection. Self-touching (men tend to touch their faces when speaking to someone they’re attracted to) Rapid eye blinking. Well done. One of our most powerful emotional experiences as a dating couple happened when I gave my boyfriend my stuffed koala. Watch the stars on your rooftop. It’s still possible to have a fulfilling physical relationship by communicating with your partner and experimenting to get comfortable with touch. Whether it’s scheduled intimate touch or scheduled affectionate touch, what matters is that your partner is willing to enthusiastically make the effort to meet your needs. For the longest time, I thought physical touch was just a code word for sex. If you thrive on touch, it may be hard to understand a person who is uncomfortable being touched. If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, physical touch may be your primary love language. 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